It is what it Is

Vir Vouyer

Driving home with her hand in my lap, and my mind is racing. The anticipation is making my heart pound.

We had an awesome dinner; after our third bottle of wine, we let the growing sexual energy block out everyone else in the room.  The night had been filled with innuendo, and the promise of playfulness overtook us. The mood was set before we even sat down. She had excused herself to powder her nose, while I smoothly tipped the hostess to seat us away from the noisy tables.

She returned to my side, took my hand and pulled me close, whispering in my ear “I won’t  be needing these.” ,while skillfully depositing her lacy G-string into my cupped hand. Her warm breath in my ear and on my neck sent a spark through me.  I turned to look into her eyes just as she bit her lower lip and make that pouty “I am such naughty girl” face.

I regain my focus and respond with a swift and intense kiss. In that moment, I deftly slip my fingers just inside her jacket, and blocked from view, slyly pinch her nipple and take delight in the audible gasp she produces.

  Only the occasional interruption of the wait staff can pull our attention away from our flirting. Our eyes reveal the naughtiest thoughts. We devour each other with our eyes. Tempting each other to take our play one step further, anticipating the moment we abandon all reason.  Knowing we are both so turned on is feeding my lust and each minute until that fire consumes me is an exquisite torture.

I order our dessert …To Go.

It‘s gently raining as we slip into the car, heading for home.  Giggling she reclines her seat. With practiced perfection she turns to her side placing her head on my thigh and her feet on the armrest of the door. I watch as she hikes her skirt up and begins to taunt me.

 “You…eyes the road’, she says.

Her words are muted by the sound of the rain and the persistent rhythm of the wipers.  Her body is tensing, gently her hips move in time with her fingers lusty task. Occasionally a flash of lightning punctuates the night. The rumble of thunder adds to the pounding already overtaking me. I reach down and across to slowly unbutton the top of her blouse finding delight in the warmth of her pert breasts and stiffening nipples.  She reaches  back over her head, now cradled firmly in my lap. Insistently she tugs at the zipper causing me to strain in an attempt to grant access. She turns her head slightly to allow a deep breathy moan… escape her lips. My throbbing erection is only separated from her willing mouth by the thin fabric and I can feel the heat of her breath. I make a slight grunting sound as I hold her face there for a moment willing my pants to fall apart so I that I can slake my thirst at this well of desire.

Once home and in the door we shed or clothes in hurried chaotic fashion leaving a trail to the edge of the bed. I turn on the light to take in the full measure of her body. I remove her dress, losing myself in her wonder, each delicate curve and the perfect imperfections that make her so uniquely sensual.  I barely have to guide her to her knees and she hungrily pulls out my thick cock and begins to take great delight in sucking it greedily. Reacting to her admirable enthusiasm I close my eyes to concentrate on preserving this feeling. When I open them… I suddenly see a face looking through the blinds from across the way.  Its the new neighbor and she is staring at us but doesn’t seem to mine the show.  I have no shame in being watched and I glare at her as if issuing a challenge.

“Show me”, I silently say; as if to force her to join in our passion. As though she heard me say it, the blinds start to rise. She stood perfectly still with only a faint soft light of a candle glowing to grace her sleek curves. She is stunning. I help my partner to her feet and turn her to face the window.

“I see we have an audience” I whisper.

We all pause for a moment…waiting …then the spark of passion ignites; each of us wanting the other and willing to do…what is clearly on all our minds.

A brilliant flash of lightning act as the common thread, we all know… without knowing or needing to be told. Our mutual admiration now gives way to action.

I bend my girl over the corner of bed and in one movement thrust deep inside her and reach forward to cup her breast. I dart my eyes to see my willing voyeur turned exhibitionist, now slipping off her panties. She is standing , naked at the window, playing with her clit and occasionally dipping her fingers into the sweet wetness, her other hand caressing her tits, pinching the nipples, sliding against her skin, up into her hair, mouth open, panting .

We both watch our exhibitionist, as I pound my girl hard from behind and soon she is shaking as she comes.  The vouyer is staring back, mouth agape, hand working on her clit furiously. The storm rages on loudly, occasionally giving us better glimpses of each other with flashes of lightning. The virtual threesome has not concluded however it’s just her and I now.  We stare into each others eyes, my hard cock pounding as though I was fucking her into submission as well, challenging each other to cum first.

 At last I see she can’t take it anymore, her body is shaky and can hardly stand. I suddenly her breasts and face are pressing hard against the cold window, her hot breath fogging the glass in small bursts as she regains composure.  I flash her wide knowing grin as I finally let go in the longest orgasm I have ever had.

 None moves for a moment, connected by satisfied lusts and contentment.   We stay that way a moment longer; until our silent voyeur, gently lowered the blinds.

Her eyes… still haunt my memory.

Perfect for New Years eve.

The Domino Bar on Wausau’s east side. Located at 740 Washington St, the Domino has been serving Tom and Jerry’s for Christmas longer than anyone will care to remember. Their secret recipe is rich and creamy with the subtle hint of allspice and clove in the batter and rum and brandy after-note in each sip. The Domino Bar really knows how to make the Tom and Jerry. During the holiday season they keep a Tom and Jerry station at the corner of the bar with a mini fridge full of batter and kettles of hot water steaming away. For a bar to dedicate this much real estate to one drink, you know they are serious about their Tom and Jerrys. Order a Tom and Jerry and the hot drink will be sitting in front of you in 60 seconds or less.

To really understand the Tom and Jerry, you need to take a look at the recipe. Consisting of eggs, sugar and spices, the Tom and Jerry is a rich, sweet, calorie laden drink. The Tom and Jerry batter is made by taking egg whites and whipping them into a meringue. Next creamed egg yolks, sugar and spices are folded into the meringue. The drink itself consists of a mug filled one third full of batter, a jigger each of rum and brandy, and topped off with hot water. Nutmeg garnish on top finishes the drink. The drink is rich, but the alcohol does wonders to cut the cloying sweetness. Still at that, one is enough for me.

Enjoy and drink in good health.

Tom and Jerry Batter (makes 4)

3 Eggs, divided
3 tablespoons superfine or powdered sugar
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tap cloves

Separate eggs. Beat yolks until creamy and add sugar and spices. In a separate bowl beat egg whites until stiff. Fold yolk mixture into the egg whites. Refrigerate (keeps up to 3 days).

To make a Tom and Jerry, fill mug 1/3 full of batter, add 1 jigger of rum and 1 jigger of brandy. Top off with boiling water. Garnish with ground nutmeg.

It’s just like that…(My online dating profile)

I’m busy, I’m sure you’re busy, we’re both here so we obviously have lost a little hope in finding whatever the fuck it is we’re looking for organically, so let’s cut through the bullshit and let me tell you all the reasons you probably don’t want to date me to save us both some effort.

I have kids. Two of them. They’re both above voting age and awesome, but try to see them as I do still under my protection but strong and independent. Do you have kids? That’s GREAT. I can work with that, but I’ll probably judge your parenting style and will instinctively think in my head how superior my children are.

On the plus side, my boys both have the same baby Momma, and we NEVER speak to each other so if we get serious, there’s no one you have to engage in awkward interactions with.

Still interested? I don’t have pets and I think it’s awesome if you do. Just don’t try to shove your fluffy cutesie “Princess Tiffany” in my face to gauge my reaction. As a man, if YOUR pet has more time sitting in your crotch than I do I will automatically allow my billions of years of evolution take over and will despise “Mister  Smooshyface Winterbottom”.

Not so bad, right? I should also mention that I’m a workaholic, so I hope you don’t mind me staring at a computer. Oh, and my job requires do stupid things for stupid reasons, often at last minute’s notice. I’m going to cancel or alter plans. I KNOW I promised I’d be there with you for dinner with Mom and Dad. Shit happens. Can’t you take your sister?

When I’m not cleaning up my long neglected mail I am typing furiously on my laptop, sometimes till I fall alsleep, if I’m not staring at my iPhone. I’ll be honest, it’s an not like I have a choice and if there were a rehab, my family would have had me committed long ago. You’ll be a part of an online world I’ve created. I connect to people you recognize only as cartoons, dogs and small blurry photos.  I differentiate “real life” and “real people.” You’re a real person and if we get to the point where I’m telling anyone about you, I say “I met a real woman.”

You’ve always related to Tinkerbell, right? Clap if you BELIEVE!

I’ve spent so much time on Twitter, 140-character thoughts are now like novels and I spit them out as they come to me. If you’ve never heard of “followers, PLS RT, @ reply, unfollow and Tweetups”  we may have an issue!

Oh, and I’m friends with people I’ve met there. I’d date a girl I met there. What kind of crazy person sleeps with people they met on Twitter? This one, that’s who. My online friends are some of my best friends.

Come on, the Titanic is still afloat!  I’m an unrecognized comic genius, so yes, everything you say and do can and will be used against you (hopefully on stage) in hopes I can make strangers laugh and get paid for it. Do you have one boob bigger than the other… that’s perfect! Hope you don’t mind the man you date talking in detail about blowjobs or Walleyed nipples in a public setting. So there is NO CONFUSION… I have the goddamn mouth of a fucking sailor. Oh, almost forgot! I don’t give a shit if your friends “get me” - if you live your life by what others think or say then stand by and watch what happens.

I am 6’5” tall and I don’t “blend in” anywhere. I am always the person people see above the crowd and while I act like it’s a burden and I want people to just like me for me, don’t let it fool you, I eat every fucking second of it up. So, even though I have girls talking to me and asking me questions, don’t be jealous. I don’t like jealous, although I reserve the right to be jealous if some “less than Alpha-male” so much as looks at your cleavage thru the Hubble telescope.

Still on board? Well, let’s peer into the grab bag of emotional damage you’ll be wrist deep in. I talk. I won’t shut the fuck up. Not something I’m capable of. It’s not that I don’t want to hear you, I just talk. I will be happy if you say “Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!” over and over as long as it’s in your head. You better be fucking listening too, NOT because my feelings will be butt hurt if you miss something important… but because I will repeat it until you do.

I’m also Hyper / Chill as fuck. Sometimes I make a ferret on acid look calm, then I am like Elmer Fudd with a Rhino dart in his ass. I don’t smoke pot but I do think it should be legalized. We all do something to get by…so just do it and keep your shit together.

I’m a smoker with big dreams of quitting that I don’t see myself actualizing anytime soon. I smell, I taste gross. You know this really funny important story you’re telling… put it on hold OR come outside in the Hurricane/ Tornado/Earthquake with me because if I am having a nic fit I am fantasizing  myself chanting “It rubs the lotion on it’s skin, or else it gets the hose again” until I get my nicotine.

I have SERIOUS trust issues. I’ve been hurt. I’m sure you have, too, but we’re talking about me now. We’ll do that a lot. I’ll overthink and question everything to the point it drives me mad until I feel comfortable trusting you, although I rarely reach that point with anyone. If an hour passes without you answering my text, just know I’ve envisioned 28 different scenarios of you doing shit I hate. You may be taking a nap, but I’m picturing you in the back of the UPS truck getting a “delivery”.

And while I’m not high maintenance I like thoughtful gifts. I need attention more than gifts. A ridiculous amount of it, but be careful about giving me too much or I’ll feel smothered and be over you faster than the time than it takes to deflate a boner when Rosie O’Donnell comes on the TV.

Speaking of, I’m an atheist, and while I’m tolerant of other people’s beliefs, If God wanted to impress me with his ‘Miracles’ he would’ve impregnated Joesph, not a poor unwed teenage girl. That shit happens EVERY DAY.. I only go to church if someone gets married, dies or if, for some reason, Jesus does show up and is signing autographs (which I will auction off on EBay)

There’s a many positives about me that FAR outweigh all the crazy, but I’ll let you figure those out on your own, that’s the fun part. The getting to know each other should be simple enough if you’ve read this far. I am just who I am, and that’s all I can be.

Oh, and just know, since you’re still interested after reading all this, I’ll assume it’s because you saw my photos and know the risk is worth it.  You’ve made plenty of bad choices in your life or we wouldn’t be here. Respect me for telling the truth right up front.

It’s just like that. Happy Dating!

I can’t stop…staring…at this…

THIS is why I don’t go to the gym…she would kill me!